


First Day

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [32]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fear, Love, M/M, Nervousness, Panic, Promises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-30 01:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: The weight of the uniform and the responsibility that comes with it are something that Jack's not sure he's ready to shoulder, but as long as Gabriel's at his back he might be able to try.





	First Day

   Jack stared at the uniform he’d hung up the night before, mouth dry as he studied it. He didn’t want any of this. He didn’t want the promotion…the job…the publicity, and as he stared at the striking blue uniform he wished that he had spoken more strongly against it, that he had made them choose Gabe, or Ana, or anyone else really. It was too late to wish for that now, the paperwork was signed, his name had been announced to the media with a press conference looming, and there was now an office door proclaiming his name and job to the world. He didn’t want any of it, but it was too late, and he moved forward on autopilot, absently noticing the way his hands trembled as he reached for the uniform. It was heavy when he lifted it down, although he had a feeling that half of the weight was in his imagination, his stomach churning as he dressed. The material was stiff, newly made and newly pressed, nothing like his old worn uniform and he glanced longingly towards the wardrobe where it still hung… maybe he could get away with wearing it? He shook his head, on any other day he might have got away with it, but today was about introducing him to the media and the world, therefore he had to look the part.

   He snorted at that. _Look the part_ …there was no way anyone would be able to miss him dressed like this. It had been one of his main arguments when they had first shown him the design, pointing out that they were painting a bullseye on his back, because no one else in Overwatch was going to be dressed as outrageously as this and it went against his survival instincts. The same instincts that had kept him alive long enough to get to this point. However, his arguments had fallen on deaf ears, the dangers acknowledged but then ignored, because apparently, he was supposed to be visible, to stand out. He was supposed to be the figurehead for a new organisation that he wasn’t quite sure he was going to fit into. He was a solider. He was designed to fight, to be out in the field, not cooped up at a desk writing reports and talking to the media and as he finally settled the heavy coat into place, he couldn’t help but feel that he was losing a part of himself.

   There was a sharp knock on the door and he tensed, he certainly wasn’t ready to face the world and he wasn’t sure that he was ready to face anyone dressed like this. He would probably have ignored it, but the knock was repeated, more urgently than before and then the one voice that he wanted to hear right now rang out. “Jack?!” He was moving before he knew what he was doing, fumbling with the lock and handle, hands still trembling, and he cursed under his breath before he finally got it and managed to ease the door open just enough to peer out. Gabriel was stood there, just as doled up as he was although his new uniform was black and resembled their old uniforms in a way that had Jack feeling nostalgic and jealous, wishing yet again that their roles were reversed. Some of what he was feeling must have shown in his face, because Gabriel’s expression darkened as he studied him, and his tone was low and commanding as he took half a step forward. “Let me in.”

   Not knowing what else to do Jack obeyed, taking a step back as Gabriel slipped into the room and closed the door firmly behind him, before closing the distance between them and drawing Jack into a tight hug before he could even think about protesting.

“You’re overthinking things again.”

   Jack snorted a laugh at that, remembering all the times Gabriel had scolded him for being reckless and rushing in without a plan, but it trailed off into something that resembled a sob and he hastily shook his head and buried his face against Gabriel’s shoulder before he could be questioned on it, fingers digging into his partner’s back. _I can’t do this…I can’t do this_ … “Yes, you can.” It was only when Gabriel’s soft voice registered that Jack realised that he had been speaking aloud, and he swallowed thickly, before shaking his head again and reluctantly pulling back so that he could peer at him.

“You should be the one wearing this uniform.” He knew that both of their names had been up for consideration, and that in terms of service that Gabriel should probably be the one wearing it. Hell, he had even argued that when they had informed him of their decision. The position should be Gabriel’s…

“Me?” Gabriel asked, snorting as he glanced at the bright blue material and grimaced. “I would look terrible in that getup.” From the moment the decision had been made he had been reassuring Jack that he didn’t mind, that he was happy with the position he had been given and considering the number of plans and ideas he had come up with for Blackwatch it seemed as though he meant it, but still Jack was terrified that he was lying, that the promotion could come between them. Even now he was searching for some hint of that, but Gabriel seemed as sincere as always, although his expression softened when he met Jack’s searching gaze. “Besides blue looks good on you Jack.”

   There was a teasing edge to his words and Jack could feel himself colouring slightly, even before he realised that Gabriel’s hands had moved and slipped inside the heavy coat and he narrowed his eyes as he stared at the other man.

“Then why are you so keen to get me out of it?” He felt the searching fingers falter as they reached the clasps for his under armour, and then Gabriel was kissing him. When they pulled apart he was dazed and somewhat disappointed to realise that the fingers had disappeared, and it took him a moment to notice Gabriel’s smirk.

“I’m always keen to get you undressed Jackie,” he teased, and that was it, Jack was fairly sure that he was crimson by now, not helped by the fact that it was true. “But now is not the time, unless you want to make your first press announcement naked?”

“Do you think they’d sack me?” It came out far more wistful than he had intended, but he didn’t take it back, because whilst Gabriel had managed to take his mind of it for a moment, he could feel the fear and the feeling that he really shouldn’t be doing seeping in again, and he sighed. _I can’t do this…_

“Jack…”

“I…” He had intended to apologise, but he couldn’t force the words out. He didn’t want to do this, he wasn’t ready for this… _he couldn’t do this_. There was white noise in his head and he glanced down, not wanting Gabriel to see him like this, wishing that he had never opened the door _._

_I can’t do this…_

   He was about to descend into full-blown panic when warm hands gripped his face, tight enough to get his attention, but not enough to hurt and he blinked as he found his face being tilted upwards and gaining a vague impression of worried, brown eyes. His hearing was coming and going, more static than anything else and it took him a few minutes before he realised that Gabriel was talking to him. He couldn’t make out the words, not just because of the panicked haze filling his head, but because it was in Spanish and whilst he was learning there was no way he could keep up with Gabriel especially right now. Still the warmth, and the soft rhythm soothed him, and he took a shuddering breath, blinking as he stared at Gabriel, the world slowly coming back into focus.

“Are you back with me?” Jack didn’t trust himself to speak yet, instead giving a tiny nod followed by a shrug. He was, but he didn’t know for how long, still able to feel panic curling in his gut and the tremors working their way through his limbs. Apparently, that response was enough for now, because Gabriel let out a huff of relief, thumbs moving to swipe at damp trails that Jack hadn’t even been aware of and he was hit by a fresh wave of shame. He tried to look away, but Gabriel was having none of it, holding onto him tightly and meeting his gaze firmly. “I know that you’re afraid and that you don’t want this.” Jack stopped trying to escape at that, staring wide-eyed at Gabriel. A small part of him had thought that the other man hadn’t understood that, and now feeling bad for ever thinking that, but before he could try and dwell on that Gabriel had continued. “But I want you to know something else as well….”

   Jack knew that he had trailed off deliberately to provoke a reaction from him, but as always, he couldn’t hold out against Gabriel and after a moment gave in.

“What?”

“That I know you can do this.” Gabriel replied so easily, so firmly that Jack could only gape at him, stunned by the sheer amount of faith he’d heard in those seven simple words. _He thinks I can do this?_ He had known that, Gabriel had said it before, but it had never hit him as hard as it had right then, and he swallowed thickly. _He believes in me_ … That was a little easier to believe, after all they’d fought together for a long time, trusting each other with their lives in the worst fights of the Omnic Crisis. It was hard not to believe in someone when they had protected your back for so long and been injured more than once whilst protecting you. “And that I think you will make a better Strike Commander than I ever could.” Now that he couldn’t believe, and he shook his head.

“But…”

“I’m not asking you to believe me right now,” Gabriel cut across his protest and Jack felt irritation bubbling up, but he wasn’t given a chance to say anything before Gabriel continued, with a slightly more pointed edge to his voice. “Just as no one is expecting you to be perfect straight away.” _Except you_ , Jack heard the unspoken words and lowered his gaze. He wasn’t sure that he believed that, after all he was going to be in the limelight from the moment he stepped up on that stage today, everyone would be watching him, and mistakes would be picked up in an instant.

   Despite that he felt himself relaxing a little, Gabriel’s words carrying more weight than anyone else’s would because the other man had never lied to him. Closing his eyes, he tried to embrace those words, letting them sink under his skin. The panic was still there. The fear. The thought of everything that he still had to face today looming over him, along with the responsibility that came with the uniform weighing down on his shoulders, but he could breathe. He could focus, and after a few minutes he took a deep breath, lifting his head to meet Gabriel’s gaze once more, seeing the concern barely hidden beneath the determination and certainty that had given his words strength.

“Thank you.” It wasn’t nearly enough, but right now it was all he had and from the warm grin that greeted his words it was enough for Gabriel and he let the other man draw him into a tight hug. Jack went willingly this time, snaking his arms around Gabriel and leaning in to steal a quick kiss. “Thank you…” Gabriel chuckled, returning the kiss before gently pushing him away and straightening the blue coat that had been knocked aside with all the hugging, smoothing down the shoulders, letting his hands linger.

“Are you ready?”

    Jack felt a fresh surge of panic, glancing at the clock and realising that it was indeed time to go. _NO!_ He wanted to scream, but instead he clung to the calm that Gabriel’s words had given him a moment ago, and nodded, taking a deep breath, before giving into his fear for just a second as he had to ask.

“You’ll be there?”

“I’ll have your back,” Gabriel replied without hesitation, voice firm, reassuring and for now it was enough. Flashing him a strained smile Jack nodded and turned towards the door, squaring his shoulders and trying not to react to the unfamiliar swish of the coat around his ankles as he led the way out of the room, one ear attuned to Gabriel’s steady steps behind him.

_Maybe I can do this…_

****

   The press conference and opening ceremony had gone better than he had ever thought possible, of course it had helped that he’d had very little to say, just a few words that Gabriel had practiced with him every night that week. Still his stomach had churned all the way through, his heart hammering in his chest whenever he realised that he was the centre of attention and he was surprised that no one else had heard it. Although Gabriel seemed to have realised because more than once he had felt warm fingers brushing his shoulder, usually at the moments when the panic was climbing to new heights and although he hadn’t dared look, he knew that it was him and it had stopped him from giving into the temptation to flee.

   That calm had disappeared completely now that he had found himself standing in front of the door to his new office. The sight of the name badge on the door, his name in striking gold letters drove home that this real. That he was really the Strike Commander of Overwatch, and he very nearly turned away and bolted back for the safety of his quarters because once he stepped into the room that was it, there would be no going back.

“You’re not going to open the door that way Cariño.” Somehow, he was unsurprised to hear Gabriel’s voice behind him, even though he had been caught up at the end of the press conference leaving Jack to make his way up here alone.

“Maybe I don’t want to.” They both knew that it was far from a ‘maybe’, but Gabriel didn’t comment, instead stepping past him and reaching for the handle, opening it with a flourish before turning back to Jack with a charming smile.

“After you.” Jack wanted to growl at him, and nearly did, but there was something about that smile that he could never resist and rolling his eyes he obediently stepped forwards and across the threshold into his new office.

   There was no earthquake, no blinding flash of lightning, no sign that he didn’t belong there although he had never felt so out of place as he did right then. Instead there was silence as he cautiously moved further into the room, blue eyes darting around and taking in the details of the room. It had only been finished a few days ago, and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to peek at it before this. It was bright, and he moved across to the windows that lined the entirety of one wall, giving him a magnificent view over the entire base and out across the alps and his lips quirked up weakly. The view alone was almost worth it, almost and his attention lingered on the distant peaks for a moment before he forced himself to focus on the room once more. The large desk caught his attention and the chair behind it, and he grimaced, imagining the long hours he was going to spend sat at it before turning his gaze to the other end of the room, a sudden laugh bubbling up as he took in the battered sofa that was facing the far wall that was covered in screens and displays, and the coffee machine sat next to it.

“Jack?” Gabriel had been closing the door when he caught the soft laugh, turning to see what had caught his attention and barking a laugh at the sight of the heavily-patched leather sofa. It was one they’d salvaged from the rubbish heap and carried nearly two miles to fit into the common room when they’d first established the base, and it had quickly become their sofa, new recruits quickly being chased away by the older members if they tried to claim it. “Ana…” He hadn’t even thought about it and he wished he had, watching the soft smile on Jack’s face and the brightness in the blue eyes that had been missing all day, and his amusement grew as he spotted the coffee machine. They were both fiends when it came to coffee, and Ana had often joked that they could empty the commissary if they tried.

“Ana,” Jack agreed with a smile, making a note to thank her for this. It made the office seem a little less daunting, and slowly he moved across to the sofa, running his hand over the back and finding the hole from where Ana had tried to dart Gabriel one day and missed. He took a deep breath before circling around so that he could drop onto it, sighing with relief as he sank into it and closing his eyes as he let his head fall back. He could hear Gabriel moving closer, but he didn’t open his eyes until he felt the sofa dip beside him and even then, he just peeked out of the corner of his eye, seeing Gabriel’s arms open in invitation and hastily scooting across so that he could pull him into a hug. It was the last piece that he needed, the memory of long hours spent cuddled together on this very couch making it easy for him to relax against Gabriel, especially when warm fingers began to toy with his hair.

“So? Is it as bad as you feared?” Gabriel asked finally, and Jack sighed, forcing his eyes open again and gazing around at what he could see of the office from his current position. Like this, with Gabriel at his back, a warm arm around his waist and fingers in his hair it was hard to be daunted by anything, but the fear was still there, especially when he thought about the pile of files he’d spotted on the desk and the icon he could see flashing on one of the monitors that indicated he already had messages. Gabriel squeezed him gently around the waist, jostling him to get his attention and he realised that he’d been quiet for a little too long.

“I’m not sure.” They both knew that he didn’t just mean the office, and Gabriel sighed, letting his head fall against Jack’s shoulder, breath warm against Jack’s ear as he kissed the tip lightly before morning.

“I’m sorry, I wish that I could make this easier.” Jack frowned at that, shaking his head before twisting his head so that he could look at Gabriel, seeing the concern and sincerity in his eyes and he smiled, leaning up despite the awkward position and stealing a quick kiss.

“You have,” he reassured him as he pulled away, slumping back against him with a sigh, relieved when Gabriel resumed running his fingers through his hair. “I wouldn’t have got through today without you and I wouldn’t be able to even think about doing this without you.” He still wasn’t sure that he could do this, but he knew that without Gabriel it would be impossible and with a sudden jolt he reached down to grab the hand against his waist, gripping it with both hands as though that would be enough to make him stay. “I can’t do this without you.”

“I’m here,” Gabriel reassured him, managing to wiggle his hand free just so that he could grip Jack’s in return, fingers twining together. “I’m not going anywhere.”

   Jack didn’t know if he could be the Strike Commander, if he could handle the weight of the title and the responsibility that came with it, if he could handle turning his back on being a simple soldier. He probably wouldn’t know for some time, if ever, but with Gabriel’s words in his ears and his presence at his back, he thought that he might be able to try.


End file.
